Look, we all have to draw the line somewhere. I have over the years insisted that making some things from scratch were just crazy, best left to others, and one by one come around and worse, as if I’d forgotten my repudiation of five minutes earlier like some sort of toddler, extolled the virtues of…
I have read that in some cultures it is acceptable to scream it out or sweat it out when you’re pissed. Many believe that this is the key to escaping your depression, your anxieties, your neuroses, your failings and your sadness and finding your way back to you. Call yourself back to yourself in whatever ways suit. Literally, call your name out loud.
I’m thinking that not only is it acceptable, it may be one of the best or the only ways. There’s a whole lotta hype about mental health these days and I’m so glad for that. So glad that celebs are speaking out and the ‘regular josie/joe’ is, too. We need to hear from everyone on this topic. We need you to share your ideas, methods (mad or otherwise), successes, failures, etc. so that we can learn from each other.
For most of my life, I have sweated it out. In the form of sports-hockey mostly. When I abandoned hockey (strangely, due to anger), I had no outlet. No sweat or anger was leaving my body in any kind of healthy way. Everything stayed inside and ate away at all of me. My friend told me that she saw me, when not playing hockey, as a purebred racehorse, being pulled back by my reigns, clenching my jaw. She literally saw that image when she looked at me.
I am certainly not anger free but I am feeling lighter these days. Thankful for the last month of hell like no other, super moons and strange dreams. And many conversations with my beloved.
When the anger starts to leave, that space will be invaded with love.
A hug given at or received from a funeral is a hug that I haven’t really experienced until yesterday. It was my second funeral of the week and the main one of the last 4 funerals in the last 6 weeks. Yes. Exactly.
The hugs which I was given, the kisses (Jacqueline), the looks are some of those that I will never forget. The connection, the power, the love was palpable, more than usual. I walked in, saw my kin, went straight to them, hugged the crap out of them, as they did to me and that was it.
Later, I told my hubby that those hugs were like something I imagined Stanley Cup winners giving to each other after winning the cup. I know ice hockey but feel free to insert whichever trophy that you most identify with, including and with no limitations, Wimbledon, The Masters at Augusta, etc…even though those aren’t team sports. It doesn’t matter.
I also said it was like what I think a marine hug-or any warrior hug would be like. Here we go into battle hug. Strength. It’s been a party up until now hug. Now shit gets real hug. First time I’ve seen you since hug. Thanks for traveling from so far away hug. Force and love for team, for the clan, the tribe, your people. United in your grief. We will never be the same hug. Hanging on for dear life hug.
With unexpected workplace death, there are some strange emotions, I have found in these last weeks. I almost threw up when I saw the reflective signage while coming off the highway the other night. And I don’t think that I can ski Sunshine on my own just yet or golf (but I do have a while for that golf one). There are too many memories there. And though they are sacred and wonderful and joyous, I will need to ski with my man. I will need to draw on his strength as I cry, as I tremble. As I remember the good, the fun and there was so, so much of that. It was all that with him and only that.
I cried on the way to that funeral. I cried at the funeral. I appreciated that the minister said we are free to cry and laugh here today because that is precisely how we celebrate his life. I know this but I loved that he said it to us all and out loud, putting it out there in advance, making us feel welcome. I loved how well he described someone that he had never met but knew so many wonderful stories about. I loved how when he read to us some of the emails received from friends around the world, he said that he wished he’d known Bammer and he meant it. He meant it with his heart and he said it with emotion and conviction.
I loved it, of course, when some of his close friends shared stories, too, laughed, brought joy to the rest of us and cried with us. I loved the music played and the video made by his brother. In pretty much every single picture of him, he was wide eyed, smiling. Or falling off of something, laughing. Beer/drink in hand.
I drove up to the other gondola in town a few days after it happened to sit and stare out at the beauty from a giant empty parking lot. And to think and to be. My eyes are different now. They see more clearly. Everything is different and everything will change again and again. But I will never forget the feeling, the force of love of those funeral hugs or what that force gave to me, gives me. From my people, our people.
Saturday morning! Yeah! Time to check the www to see what my fav bloggers, artists, retailers (hee hee) have been up to. As I’m a serious fan (oxymoron?) of Joanna Goddard, I always start with a cup of jo to see her happy weekend post from yesterday and, of course, any days that I may have missed the past week. She has two little boys as well, and though my youngest is just slightly older than her oldest, I still love reading about her parenting exploits and checking out her tips for the art of wrangling any age of child. Just in case I have to…you know…help parent someone else’s kid or one of my own who has reverted back to his toddler days (this happens more often than you might expect!!)
Also, her beauty uniform and mothering around the world features are captivating and inspiring!! Thanks, Joanna!!
Next, is usually over to Molly Yeh (or is it Yeah??!!) for some amazing cakes, treats and savoury wonders too! She’s a fierce photographer as well so there is always immediate food swooning following by artistic swooning!! Yum for Yeh and yeh for yum!
Then over to The Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond, whom I absolutely adore! And excitement abounds right now (more than usual) as her new Mercantile has just opened in Oklahoma! Pawhuska, I believe. For more facts, here is her link. She is hiring, too! and I am sooo tempted-being the retail queen that I am. I pretty much live in the polar opposite of where she does but I am so desperately in love with her blog and have been for years, that who cares. Really. Who cares? She speaks directly to my need for good food, pretty things, space and cattle! And, she’s on the Food Network! So you’ve probably seen her there. (I haven’t as I don’t have tv #Netflix)
Well, off to work now, but more of my favs to come…
Enjoy your day surfing but try to get some bit of fresh air and outdoor fun, too!!
I attended one day of this summit yesterday in Banff, Alberta and, although, I have started processing the sad, moving and horrific information about Canada’s history and Canadian Residential Schools, I will never stop grieving. That said, I learned many things about my people and when I say my people, I now refer to all of my people worldwide, including you. You are my people. Especially, my friends descended from First Nations around the globe-you make up my people, you always did and you know that but now I will use the correct syntax henceforth thanks to my friend, Judy.
Please visit banffcentre.ca for more information or the Truth and Reconciliation Commision’s website or your country’s truth site-I hope there is one. There are 94 calls to action. Please pick one and share with our people.
This is for Tiger Woods, Jude Law, Jesse James, Ashton Kutcher, Mel Gibson, Billy Bob, James Cameron, Brad Pitt, Hugh Grant, Arnie S., Kristen Stewart, Ethan Hawke, Jay-Z, Eddie Fisher, Bill Clinton, Frank S. (in memoriam) and all you other m*fers out there who have cheated on and totally blindsided your highly intelligent, extremely sophisticated and complex, gorgeous and talented and airbrushed wives and girlfriends/boyfriends…wtf? Pardon my French, but really?? #noway
You obviously have no idea what the hell we ‘mere mortal’ humans experience when we hear or read or glimpse at facebook to see what you have done, what fragile ego’d actress, singer, fierce gal you’ve decimated this time. What up? (Nor should you but hey, you’re a public figure and we are able to read, so deal with it!)
Okay, Mr. Pitt, so you did cheat on Jen A. even though Angelina had the decency not to bare all details until 3 long years later . Yes, I’m referring to the notorious and infamous 2008 vogue article where Angie blew it, thereby confirming the old ‘Mr. & Mrs. Smith he was cheating on Jen on set’ rumour mill. So nice of her to be so blinded by true love to say these things on the record.
So, in retrospect, we should have expected this and by we, I’m including Angie. C’mon, guys, grow up and don’t commit if you can’t handle being married to a ferociously smart goddess.
And, way to go, Jesse James, for your impeccable timing on that one with Sandra Bullock. #oscarwinning #hollywoodhell